


Fighting with Ghosts

by fmpsimon



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Action, Drama, F/M, KillerVibe - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8032003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpsimon/pseuds/fmpsimon
Summary: Cisco does not know what to do. Caitlin is fighting something that he cannot see or touch. When they discover a metahuman is behind it all, it's up to Cisco and Barry to save Caitlin before the worst happens.





	1. Prologue

            She stood in the cold.  The harsh wind beat at her body, whipping her hair around.  It bit at her cheeks and her ears and her nose, but she didn’t care.  The only thing that mattered was how miserable she was, how horrible she was, how _hated_ she was.  No matter what she did to drive these emotions from her head, they would not go away.  Everyone kept telling her she was loved and adored.  Needed, even.  They were lying.  Those people that she had thought of as friends—they were all liars.  She was sure they were talking about her behind her back.  They were the reason she was doing this.  She took a step closer to the edge of the roof.  Now she could see the street below.  STAR Labs was a large building.  She would not survive the fall.  But after all, that was what she wanted.


	2. Chapter One

            It was Christmas, the time of the year when families and friends came together to celebrate, exchange presents, share a meal.  And there was something about that chill in the air that made everyone a whole lot friendlier to one another.  Strangers would greet you on the street, people were more charitable.  It was simply a wonderful time of year.  For some people.  Cisco Ramon, for one, dreaded it.  The festivities and all were fine, as long as he didn’t have to spend any time with his family.  Despite their best efforts, his relationship with his brother Dante was far from repaired, and his parents still drove him crazy.

            But this Christmas was especially miserable.  Everyone was gone or busy.  Barry and Iris were celebrating with their family.  Harry and Jesse had gone away for the holiday.  They had desperately needed to get away and fix their relationship—well, bond.  And he was doing everything he could to avoid spending an evening with his family.  That just left Caitlin.

            “I’m going to spend my much-deserved evening off at home with a big glass of wine and a bag of chocolates,” she said, tossing her hair.  “What about you?”

            Cisco pouted a little.  “Oh, I’ll be at home…by myself…with nothing but a pitcher of eggnog to keep me company.”  He watched her pull on her coat.  “Come _on_ , Caitlin!  What do I have to do to get _you_ in my house tonight?” he said in his most gameshow host voice.  Caitlin cocked her head, smirking at him.  “Look, it’ll be low-key—a little holiday cheer”—he pantomimed drinking—“and some TV.  I’ll even let you control the remote!”

            She tied her scarf around her neck and slung her satchel over her shoulder.  “You promise?”

            He stuck two fingers in the air.  “Scout’s honor.”

            She slid her gloves on, her brow furrowed slightly.  “All right.”

            “Yes!” he whispered, throwing his arms up.

            “But only because no one should be alone on Christmas,” she said, giving him a warm smile.

            “Okay!”  He started shoving his things into his bag.  “Let’s get this party started!”  He grinned broadly as he bundled up for the cold weather outside.

            They arrived at his home shortly after that, having made a quick stop to grab a burger.  Caitlin followed him through the door, stepping into the living room of his small, one-bedroom apartment while he locked the door.  “Not the best neighborhood,” Cisco said when he had finished arming the security system.

            “I think you just wanted to customize a security system,” she smirked.  “Does it send a giant boulder after anyone who tries to break in?”

            “No…but nice _Indiana Jones_ reference,” he replied, nodding.  He took his outerwear off and tossed it onto a nearby chair.

            She slipped off her heels and took a few steps in.  “No tree?” she asked, peering into the living room.  He shrugged.  “Cisco, you _love_ Christmas!”

            “I love _eggnog_ ,” he said brightly, reaching for the pitcher in his fridge.  “My grandma’s recipe.”

            Caitlin cocked her head, smiling.  “You know you don’t need to twist my arm.”

            “Yeah, I do!” he quipped, already pouring out the rich, creamy liquid into two mugs.  She removed her coat and handed it to him, accepting the mug.  Caitlin held the mug to her lips, prepared to take a drink.  “Abuela likes a lot of brandy in her eggnog, so drink slow.”

            She smiled, taking a small sip.  “Wow, that is strong.”

            He sat down beside her, smirking.  “Yeah, you don’t grow up drinking that stuff and _not_ develop a high tolerance for alcohol.”

            "Or severe alcoholism," Caitlin said, raising her eyebrows.

            "Yeah, that runs in my family too."  He collapsed onto the couch and took a long drink.  "Another reason why holidays at my family's are not that fun."

            She nodded in understanding.  "Letting yourself go can be fun, but with the after-effects, I don't think it's worth it."

            Cisco gave her a knowing glance, smiling crookedly.  "Oh, right.  Barry told me about your little karaoke performance.  Summer lovin'," he started to sing.

            She covered her ears and turned a pale shade of red.  "Stop!  Don't remind me!"  He laughed, catching the pillow she tossed at him.  "Ooh, I can't believe he told you that!"  She paused.  "Well, I _can_ , but that doesn't make it right."  She took another drink.  "One of these days, Barry's going to do something _really_ embarrassing, and I'm never going to let him live it down."

            "Keep telling yourself that, sister," Cisco said, taking a drink.  "Thing is, he wouldn't care, and your sense of accomplishment would be diminished."  He smirked.

            Caitlin frowned and emptied her glass.  While she poured herself another, she said, "So, you're still not getting along with your brother?  Even after his doppelganger showed up and tried to kill you both?"  Her expression was serious, concerned.  "Family is important, Cisco."

            He let out a small sigh.  This lecturing was bringing him down.  She was about the only person he would take it from, though.  "You're more my family than they've ever been," he blurted out.  She blinked, and he went on, quickly, "You, Barry, Iris, Harry, even though he can be a dick sometimes."  He wet his lips, glancing up at her, gauging her response.

            She reached out and squeezed his arm.  "I get it.  My mom wasn't really ever there for me."  She smiled and put her hands in her lap.  "You're my family too."  He stared at her, and he didn't know if it was the eggnog, but she looked really pretty.  Her eyes had just the right amount of sparkle, and even though she wasn't really made up, she looked perfect.  He would have to be mindful of how much he was drinking.  He didn’t want to do something stupid like kiss her, even though he wanted to.  He had wanted to for a long time.  But if it didn’t work out, they would still see each other, still work together at STAR Labs, and that would just be awkward.  Besides, he had no idea if she felt anything like that towards him.

            He set his cup down and leaned forward, clasping his hands together.  “Thanks for this, seriously.  All of this—hanging out…It means a lot.”

            Caitlin shook her head.  “You don’t need to thank me, Cisco.  I did this as much for myself as I did for you.”  She drained her cup, then breathed in sharply, suddenly a little turned off by the taste of the liquor.  She set the glass down, laughing a little.

            “Slow down!” he said, laughing.  “It’s supposed to be sipped, not chugged!  Jeez, I guess _you_ went to a lot of frat parties,” he smirked, but there was a tinge of concern behind it.

            “Ha ha,” she said, grabbing the pitcher and pouring herself another mugful.  “I needed this.”

            He took the pitcher from her.  “And if you don’t slow down, you’re gonna need AA.”  He flipped on the television.  “So, I was thinking _Walking Dead_ marathon.  Nothing says Christmas like zombies, right?”

            “I thought _I_ was controlling the remote,” she said, a little clumsily reaching for it.

            He pulled the remote away.  “And you certainly can…as soon as I pick what we’re watching.”  He queued up the first episode while she took another drink.  “You can be in control of the volume buttons.  How does that sound?”

            She repositioned herself on the couch next to him, leaning her whole body against him and letting her head fall on his shoulder.  He put his arm around her shoulders, letting her lean deeper, and she wrapped her arm around his waist.  “Tell me what’s happening.  I’m going to rest my eyes.”

            He smiled, and moved her hair away from her face.  “Okay, but you’re not going to remember any of this.”

            “Tell me anyway,” she said sleepily.

            “Okay, so there’s this totally badass guy, Rick Grimes,” he began.  “And he’s basically in a coma when the whole world goes to hell.  So when he wakes up, he has to escape this hospital, and there are zombies everywhere.  He described every detail (with his own added commentary, of course) until he felt her heavy breathing against his side.  “Cait?” he whispered.  “Caitlin?”  He wondered for a moment if he should wake her and take her home.  But instead he turned the television off and gently laid her down on the couch.  He grabbed a blanket and covered her, tucking her in.  He wasn’t particularly tired, so he quietly cleaned up the dishes.  After about an hour and a half of tinkering on his latest invention, he tried to sleep.  Something was keeping him awake.  Maybe it was the fact that Caitlin was out on his couch, fast asleep.  He didn’t know why that would bother him.  It was just Caitlin.  He reminded himself that she was his best friend, _just_ his best friend.  Nothing more.  He was suddenly struck by a fear that she would wake up, disoriented, and freak out.

            When he came back to the living room, he didn’t see Caitlin on the couch.  He looked around, panicking.  And then he saw her.  Out on the balcony, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders.  “Caitlin!”  He rushed outside.  “Caitlin, what are you--?”

            “It’s snowing,” she said, holding up a hand.

            “Yeah,” he said, relieved.  He crossed his bare arms.  “Are you okay?”

            “I don’t know,” she said quietly, tearing up a little.  “It seems like every time my life is moving in the right direction, something horrible happens.  First Ronnie, then Jay…I just keep wondering, what’s next?”

            “You can’t think like that,” he said, grabbing her shoulders.

            She sighed, staring at him.  He noticed the dark circles under her eyes.  “Why?  She wiped the tears from her face.

            “Because…” he struggled.  “Because if you think bad things are going to happen, they will.  You need positive thinking.”

            She shook her head, shutting her eyes, causing more tears to stream down.  She pulled the blanket more tightly around her shoulders.  “I’m just preparing for the worst.”

            “Can we go inside, please?” he said, shivering.  “This would be way easier if I weren’t freezing my ass off.”  He put his arm around her and guided her inside.  Then everything stopped.  The world around him swirled.

_He was standing on the roof of STAR Labs.  A woman was standing at least twenty feet from him, facing away.  He couldn’t tell who it was.  Then she turned her face toward him.  Caitlin.  She said something he couldn’t make out, and then stepped off the edge of the building._

            He gasped for air, bracing himself on the doorframe.  He could feel the cold air against his body.  He was back.  “Caitlin…I just saw you die.”


	3. Chapter Two

            “What do you mean, you saw me die?” Caitlin asked, blinking rapidly.  “Did you vibe?  Just now?”

            He felt dizzy and half-stumbled to the couch.  His head ached, a side effect of vibing.  “Yeah, just when I was coming inside…when I touched you.”  Caitlin sat down, but didn’t take her eyes off of him.  “You were on the roof of STAR Labs.  And you jumped.”

            “I jumped?” she choked out.  He nodded solemnly.  She wiped fresh tears on the back of her hand.

            He couldn’t freak out right now.  He was, but he couldn’t afford to.  Caitlin needed him.  She needed him right now, and he had to be there for her.  He pushed his fear aside and pulled her into a hug.  It was the only thing he could think to do, and once he had her safe in his arms, he didn’t want to let her go.  “You’re not going to jump, Caitlin.  You’re gonna be fine.”

            “But you saw it!” she said, pulling away.  Her voice was shaking.  “You saw it, Cisco!”

            He was really regretting drinking that entire batch of eggnog right now.  “That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen!”

            “But you saw it,” she whimpered.

            “Okay!” he nearly shouted.  “Okay, I saw it.  But it’s not going to happen.  I won’t let it happen.”  He brushed her hair out of her face, and his hand lingered there.  “I promise.”  And then he felt awkward, and withdrew his hand.  He exhaled heavily.  “You’re staying here tonight.  Take my bedroom.  Bathroom is right across the hall.  That way, if you need to puke, you don’t have to go too far.”  He helped her up and led her down the hall.

            She got into bed and pulled the comforter up to her chin.  He sat down.  Her eyes flicked up at him.  “I’ve never even thought about that—killing myself.  With Ronnie, I didn’t know how I was going to go on living, but it never crossed my mind to end my own life.”  She paused.  “You believe me, don’t you?”

            “Of course.”  Cisco gave her a weak smile.  “Some Christmas, huh?”  She looked exhausted, but she wasn’t closing her eyes.  She wasn’t trying to sleep.  And he was afraid to.  He was afraid of what would enter his dreams.  What if he was the one that was going to jump off that building?  But worse still: what if he really _had_ seen the future?

            He woke up some time later.  The early morning sun was just starting to come in through the windows.  He was on the floor, his back up against the side of the bed.  His head was pounding.  He turned around swiftly, remembering what had happened the night before.  Caitlin was still there, fast asleep, her arm dangling off the side of the bed, almost as if she was reaching out to him.

            He groaned slightly as he got to his feet.  It had taken a while, but that brandy had caught up with him.  He took a few aspirin, then texted Barry, “My place ASAP.”  He had barely finished his glass of water when there was a whoosh, and the Flash was standing before him.  “Not bad,” Cisco said.  “But can you whoosh a little quieter?  Nursing a hangover here.”

            Barry crossed his arms.  “You texted me, remember?  So, what’s up?  I just came from a ski lodge in the Rockies, so this had better be important.”

            “Shh, Caitlin’s asleep in the bedroom,” Cisco said, gesturing down the hall.

            Barry’s lips spread into a smile.  “Oh, so you guys finally…” he trailed off, nudging Cisco’s arm.

            “What?  No.”  He paused.  “Wait, do you think we’d make a good couple?  Never mind,” he dismissed quickly.  He cleared his throat.

            Barry looked confused.  “Then what’s going on?”

            “I vibed again,” Cisco said flatly.

            “What did you see?”  Barry leaned in.  “Is it Zoom?  Is he back?”

            Cisco shook his head and said slowly, “I saw Caitlin jump off the roof of STAR Labs.”

            Barry furrowed his brow, taking it in.  “Well, is she okay?  Is something wrong?”  He craned his neck, looking down the hallway.  “What do you think it means?”

            Cisco shrugged and put a hand to his forehead, trying to rub the headache away.  “I don’t know, but we both had way too much to drink last night.  I found her on the balcony alone, in the snow, crying.  She thinks she’s cursed or something—first Ronnie, then Jay.  She was fine earlier.  Maybe it was just the eggnog that got to her.  But when I touched her, I vibed.”

            “Barry?” came Caitlin’s groggy voice.  “What are you doing here?”  She had found one of Cisco’s hoodies and she cinched it more tightly around her as she padded towards them.

            “Aspirin?”  Cisco held out his hand and she took them hungrily.

            “Yes, thank God.”  She stared at him darkly.  “Never again, Cisco.  I am off eggnog.”  She swallowed the pills and turned to Barry.  “Is something wrong?  I thought you were on vacation.”

            “Cisco called me,” he brushed off.  “Are you okay?”  He put a comforting hand on her arm.

            “Other than the splitting headache, yeah,” she said, wincing.  “Why?”  She frowned.  “Did I do something last night?”

            Barry and Cisco looked at each other, and then back at her.  “Don’t you remember?” Cisco asked.

            “I remember having too much to drink,” Caitlin said, pressing her hands into her temples.  She looked at Cisco worriedly.  “Oh my God.  I didn’t sing, did I?”

            He mustered a small chuckle.  “No, you didn’t sing.”  He wondered if he should tell her at all.  Maybe ignorance was bliss.  He was about to open his mouth, when Barry interjected.

            “You hit your head,” he said quickly.  “Cisco was worried, so he told me.”  The two young men looked at each other, both wondering if she was buying it.  “I wanted to come to make sure you were okay.”

            Caitlin felt around her skull for bumps or bruises.  “I don’t feel anything.”  She stared at them for a moment, narrowing her eyes.  “You’re hiding something, but I feel too sick to argue with you right now.”  She glared at them both.

            Cisco allowed himself a small sigh of relief, though he didn’t feel relieved at all.  Just because Caitlin didn’t remember it didn’t mean it didn’t happen.  “Thanks for coming, man.”  He clasped Barry’s hand.

            “Let me know if anything changes,” Barry said, backing up.  “See you in a few days?”

            Caitlin smiled weakly.  “Have fun!  Be careful.”  She turned to Cisco.  “Even if I _had_ hit my head, you didn’t need to bother Barry.”

            He watched her as she pulled on her coat and tied her scarf around her neck.  “What are you doing?” he asked tiredly.

            She was on the floor, attempting to buckle her heels back on, but not succeeding.  “I’m going to get a cab and go home,” she grumbled, digging in her purse for her phone.  “This has got to be the _worst_ Christmas ever.”

            That remark stung, Cisco had to admit.  But he wasn’t one to argue.  It had been pretty miserable.  The sooner this was over, the better.  “Don’t call a cab.  Let me take you home.”  But he was always the gentleman.  “Please,” he added.

            “Fine,” she said, begrudgingly accepting his hands as he pulled her to her feet.

            The drive to her apartment was what he expected: silent.  The few times he dared to glance over at her, Caitlin had her arms crossed and was looking straight ahead.  “Can I ask a stupid question?”

            “You rarely do anything else,” she snapped.

            “Whoa, whoa, that was uncalled for!”  He steered the van onto the side of the road and cut the engine.  “Last time I checked, I was one of the most brilliant young minds in my field.  And that’s not my ego talking—that’s a fact.”  He turned in his seat to face her.  “What is going on with you?”

            “Dammit, Cisco, just take me home!” she said, slamming her fists down on her lap.

            “Not till you tell me what’s going on,” he said stubbornly.

            She finally turned towards him.  “My life is an absolute mess!  My fiancé _died_ , my boss lied to me for years, and just when I let my guard down long enough to _feel_ again, my boyfriend turns out to be a supervillain!  I go to work every day to a place where I am exceedingly underappreciated.  The only time any of _you_ speak to me is when poor Barry hurts himself.”

            “That’s not true,” he said.  He was genuinely hurt.  Is this really how she saw all of them?  She had said they were family mere hours ago.

            “And all I wanted on my one night off a year was to be alone,” she went on bitterly.  “But I couldn’t have that, could I?  No, because _you_ didn’t want to be alone.  So, ever the doormat, I agreed.  And then you get me drunk!  God, did you slip something in my drink so you could…take _advantage_ of me, or something?  Maybe that’s why I can’t remember last night.”

            “Caitlin!” he said, horrified.  “I would never do anything like that!  Are you kidding me?” he asked no one in particular.  He knew Barry didn’t want him to tell her about what he had vibed, but he had to.  This was out of control.  “I didn’t want to tell you what happened because I was afraid.  You were upset.  You were crying, talking about your life being over.  When I touched you, I vibed.  I saw you commit suicide, off the roof of STAR Labs.”  He stared at her, feeling that his emotions were about to overwhelm him.  “Now please tell me what’s the matter?  You’re not acting like yourself.”

            She blinked at him and deflated, like she was coming out of a trance.  “I don’t know why I said those things.”  Her eyes were wide and she cupped her hands to her mouth, trembling.  “Oh, my God, Cisco.  I didn’t mean any of those things, I swear!  You have to believe me!”  He didn’t know what to believe.  And right now, she was really reminding him of Killer Frost.  “Cisco?”

            He put his hands on the steering wheel, but didn’t start the car back up.  This was not the Caitlin he knew.  She was having mood swings—crying one minute, screaming at him the next.  And what she was saying was the most damning part.  Yeah, he knew she was still not over what had happened with Ronnie and with Jay, but her relationship with Barry and himself had never been in question.  They had always been honest with each other.  He needed to run some tests and he needed to keep her safe while he ran them.  “I’m taking you to the lab.”


	4. Chapter Three

            “This is for your own good, Caitlin,” he said, leading her down the pipeline.

            She didn’t fight him.  She came along willingly.  “I know,” she said.  “You’re trying to keep me safe, because of what you saw me do.”

            Cisco took a hold of her hand.  She didn’t pull away.  Instead, she wrapped her fingers around his.  Despite what had happened in the last twelve hours, it still sent chills up his spine and made his heart skip a beat.  “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

            She let go and stepped into the cell.  “Let me know when you find anything out.  I can still try and help, even if I am locked up.”  She gave him a weak smile.  Now Cisco wondered if he was doing the right thing.  Caitlin seemed more like herself now.  He shook it off.  He had to do this.  He could keep an eye on her from the video feed in the lab.

            “I won’t close the outer door,” he said.  “You’re not a prisoner.”

            “You’re sure treating me like one,” she snapped.  It was as if a switch had been turned on, and she started pounding her fists on the glass.  As much as it pained him, he turned around and walked away.  “Come back, Cisco!  Let me outta here!  I need to do it!  I need to die!” she cried after him, finishing with a whimper, “Just let me die.”

            Cisco mindlessly chewed on the end of his pen, staring at the monitor.  It had been several hours, and now Caitlin was pulling on her hair and tearing at her clothes.  The emotional pain must have been so great that she was trying anything to distract herself from it.  “Dammit,” he cursed, pushing himself away from the desk.

            “Hey,” Barry said, stepping in front of him.  “You’re doing all you can.”

            Cisco shook his head, tossing the pen.  “I’m not.”

            “Cisco, you—”

            “She’s _suffering_ in there!” Cisco interrupted.  He ran his hands through his hair, sighing.  “It should be me in there.”

            “Look, if we put our heads together, I know we can figure this out.”  Barry looked around.  “There’s got to be some clue—”

            Suddenly one of the monitors at the comm station started beeping and flashing.  Cisco wheeled his chair over.  “We got another metahuman.”  Barry stepped behind him, looking at the screen.  “I noticed him earlier.  He’s been hanging out in a ten block radius of this building since I spotted him.”  He began pulling up a slew of articles and videos.  “And get this: there have been several reports of arrests for disorderly conduct.  They all complained of severe headaches and told the cops they didn’t know what had come over them.”

            “Just like Caitlin,” Barry said.  Cisco grinned at him.  “We got him.”

            Cisco leaned back, a pensive expression on his face.  “A metahuman whose power it is to make people lash out at each other.”

            Barry shook his head.  “I can’t see how that’s helpful for good or evil.”

            Cisco took a swig from his energy drink, thinking.  “Turn everyone against each other so they take each other out.  They don’t even need to lift a finger then.”

            Barry nodded in agreement.  “Or make everyone feel so helpless and weak that they won’t do anything to defend themselves.”

            “Demoralize them,” Cisco said.  He looked up and Barry was suited up.

            “I’m confronting this guy,” he said, pulling his hood on.

            “Sad Sack?” Cisco said weakly.  Barry grimaced.  “I’m just not feeling it, man.”  His face lit up suddenly.  “Ooh!  Sergeant Sad!  Or—or Emoti-Con!  Get it?”

            Barry chuckled.  “Where is he at?”

            Cisco checked the monitor.  “17th and Grand.”  And with a whoosh of air, he was gone.  He kept an eye on Barry, monitoring the fight.

            "He's doing something to me," came Barry's crackled voice.  "I feel weird—like I can't fight—oomph!"

            "Barry?  Barry!"  Cisco had his eyes glued to the screen's.  Barry's vitals were still okay, but something crazy was going on in his brain.  His dopamine levels were dropping significantly.  "Barry, you need to go.  Your brain isn't recovering fast enough."  He watched the little light that was the Flash race back to the lab.  "What happened?"

            Barry collapsed in one of the chairs.  "I don't know," he breathed.  "I just felt like my energy was being drained.  And all the bad things that have ever happened to me started coming to the surface again."

            "How do you feel now?" Cisco asked, looking at the monitor.  The brain scans were starting to normalize again.

            "Better," Barry said.  "I kind of feel depleted, though.  Hungry."

            "We can fix that.  How about burgers?"

            Caitlin stood when she saw Cisco coming down the corridor.  She looked better now, so he took his time unlocking the door and handing her the bag of fast food.  “Your favorite: cheeseburger and fries.”  Once she had taken the bag, he locked the door again.  He sighed, leaning against the glass and sliding to the floor.  “I hate this, you know.”

            “I know,” Caitlin said quietly.

            “But I hate the idea of you dying more.”

            “Cisco,” she began, “what I said the other night…about you being my family.  The truth is you’re more than that.  You’ve been my best friend for these past few years.  You’ve always been there to catch me, and you’ve always been the one to prop me up again.  I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.”  He heard her sniffle on the other side and he turned his head.  She was sitting on the floor with her back to him, as if they were leaning against each other.  “And you have to know that I didn’t mean _any_ of those things I said.  I’ve never even _felt_ those things—not even subconsciously.  I love you and Barry.  And even if my life goes to hell, that will always be true.”

            Cisco felt like he should respond, but he didn’t know quite how to.  He was not used to this many quiet moments with Caitlin.  He would always diffuse any tension between them with a joke.  But given what he had seen, it didn’t seem like a good time to make jokes.  She was baring her soul to him, but he just couldn’t do the same.  He loved her too, and he loved Barry—but those were two different kinds of love.  He loved Barry like a brother.  Caitlin was more than that to him.  He was in love with her.  He always had been, since before he could remember.  He couldn’t remember the exact moment it happened.  He had just eased into it, naturally.  But from the moment he had met her, Caitlin had been unavailable.  She had been with Ronnie, and he had been okay with that, because Ronnie was a good guy who made her happy.  And above anything else, Cisco wanted her to be happy.  And whatever she was going through now, that was making her so depressed, he couldn’t handle this.  It was killing him.  How could he catch her now?  How could he prop her up when she was fighting something intangible, something he couldn’t see?  It was like fighting a ghost.

            “We’re gonna catch this guy,” he finally said.  And that was a promise he was going to keep.

            When he finally returned home that evening, he went straight to bed.  He had been up for 48 hours at least, without more than a few winks of sleep, supported mostly by coffee and energy drinks.  Any boost those had given him had long since worn off.  He pulled off his jeans and flopped down on the mattress.  Caitlin had been here, he remembered.  He could still smell her perfume lingering on his pillow, and he resisted the urge to press it to his face.  She was sitting in a cold cell in the pipeline and he was at home.  She wasn’t a criminal.  She didn’t deserve that.  It was for her own good, he reminded himself repeatedly.  So she couldn’t hurt herself.  Iris had offered to stay at the lab with Barry.

            “I promise I’ll keep her company,” Iris had said, smiling warmly.  “I got this, Cisco.  Don’t worry.”

            “She’s gonna be fine,” Barry had said, hugging him briefly.  “A good night’s sleep will make you feel better.”

            “Yeah,” Cisco had replied, rubbing his eyes.  He wondered if Barry would be this calm if Iris were in that cell.  He doubted it.

            He heard a buzz on the nightstand and turned his head.  It was Caitlin’s phone.  He propped himself up on his elbow, reading the message.  It was an alarm.  “Take your meds!”  So she was on something.  For depression?  For anxiety?  Maybe that was why she was so affected by the metahuman and he wasn’t.  He kicked himself for not realizing it sooner.  He grabbed the phone to turn the alarm off and he froze.

            _He was standing in Caitlin’s apartment.  He had been there quite a few times over the years, so he recognized it immediately.  He heard noise coming from the bathroom and slowly walked towards it.  Caitlin was standing at her sink, staring at herself in the mirror.  In her shaking hand was a pill bottle.  She hesitated a moment, and then poured the bottle’s contents into her hand.  “Caitlin, no!” he screamed soundlessly, as she tipped the pills into her mouth._

            Cisco dropped the phone and sat bolt-upright.  His head was pounding again as he scrambled to get his pants back on.  He was in no condition to drive, but he did anyway.  He convinced himself that a cab would be too slow.  He could do it.  It was only a few miles.  He stumbled out of van and into the lobby of STAR Labs.  He saw Barry and Iris turn, and managed to get out, “Check on Caitlin,” before he blacked out.

            When he woke up, he was on the infirmary bed with an IV sticking out of his arm.  Iris was sitting beside him.  “How are you feeling, champ?”

            “Caitlin,” he croaked.  “Is she--?”

            Iris put a hand on his shoulder as he struggled to sit up.  “Caitlin’s fine.  Don’t worry.  Barry’s keeping her company.”  He settled back into the bed.  “Actually, she’s the reason for all this.  She walked me through it.”  She smiled.  “You needed to rest, so I gave you a sedative and some fluids.  But you got a nasty bump on your head when you passed out.”  He reached up, feeling the bandage around his head.  “So, why did you come back?  What happened?”

            He licked his lips, feeling dried out.  “Caitlin left her phone at my place.  When I touched it, I vibed again.  This time, she was overdosing on medication.”  He turned his head to face her.  “We need to catch this metahuman, and fast.”

            Iris pulled out her tablet.  “Well, on that front, I’ve got some more news.  The mental health clinics in the area are overflowing with people complaining about depression, and the hospital doesn’t have the staff to put anyone else on 24-hour suicide watch.  Barry wants to confront him again.  With his cells moving as fast as they are, he should remain relatively unaffected by the metahuman’s powers like before.  It wasn’t life-threatening,” she added at his raised eyebrows.  “But…I think we’d all feel better if you could equip him with some kind of earplugs to block those depression vibrations.”  She bit her lip.  “So, what do you think?  Can you do it?”


	5. Chapter Four

            As soon as he was able to get out of bed, he went to work.  He had made similar devices before, but he wasn’t sure what frequency he had to block.  He had done the research and made the most educated guess, but he needed to test them.  He felt negativity springing up inside him.  A voice in his head telling him his invention would lead Barry right to his own death.  He pushed that voice far away.  It was the metahuman.  It was starting to affect him too.  “Bring her up, Iris.”  He was taken aback when he saw Caitlin.  She looked worse— _way_ worse.  And she was cuffed.  “What’s going on?” he said slowly.  “Are those _really_ necessary?”  He started towards her.

            Barry held out his arm to stop Cisco.  “We had to.  She was scratching at herself with her nails.”  Cisco looked past him at Caitlin.  He could see deep gouges on her forearms.  “Are those the earplugs?” Barry said, gesturing toward Cisco’s hands.

            “Inhibitors,” he said, dazed, not taking his eyes off Caitlin.  She glanced at him, but it was as if she didn't register his presence.  He shook it off, focusing again on the task at hand.  "Caitlin, I made something that I think will help you," he said slowly, stepping towards her.  "They're earplugs, basically, but they should block out the negative vibrations you're getting from the metahuman."  He placed them in her ears and stepped back, waiting.  "How do you feel?"

            Caitlin blinked rapidly, then, looking like she was going to faint, stumbled forward into Cisco's arms.  Both Barry and Iris sped over to support her.  Cisco's hands were on her waist.  She felt warm and soft.  She slowly opened her eyes, warm and bright, if not a little tired.  "I feel lighter," she said carefully.  "The weight is gone."

            "Cisco, do you have another pair?" Barry said.

            "Uh, on the desk," he said, gesturing behind him.  He heard Barry and Iris talking, but he didn't know what they were saying.  He was completely focused on Caitlin.  She didn't look happy by any means, but the aura around her was gone, the weight _was_ lifted.

            He finally broke his gaze and took his hands off of her waist when Iris approached them with the keys.  "I don't think you need these anymore," she said, unlocking the cuffs and removing them.  Caitlin immediately started rubbing her wrists where the cuffs had been.  "Sorry about having to do that.  You understand, right?"

            "Sure," Caitlin said, putting on a brave face.  Cisco took a hold of her wrist and gently ran his fingers over the cuts.  She pulled her arm away, brusquely, glaring at him.  "Don't."

            "You have to stay with us, Caitlin," Iris said.  "Where we can see you, okay?"  She looked at Cisco, her eyes full of understanding.  She must have known what he was going through.  Deep down, she understood it too.  He couldn’t be angry with or hurt by Caitlin.  She wasn’t in control.  This wasn’t her.

            She nodded, sitting down.  Cisco got to work, monitoring Barry's progress against the metahuman.  "I'm sorry, Cisco."  He glanced over at her, frowning slightly.  "The inhibitors are helping, but I'm not healed yet."

            "Yeah, I get it."  He turned back to his screen, instructing Barry on the metahuman's location, and checking in periodically to make sure the inhibitors were working properly.  Caitlin seemed to be even more like herself, starting to smile more.  The inhibitors seemed to be working.  But when he turned around and saw she was gone, he knew what had happened.  His vision was going to come true.  “Barry, get ready to catch her!” he said into his phone as he ran through the lab.  “She’s on the roof.  I’m headed there now.”  He threw open the stairwell door and started climbing the stairs.  Two at a time was all he could manage.  One flight, two flights, three flights…and then he lost count.  He was panting when he reached the roof.  The only thing keeping him upright was the adrenaline rushing through his veins.  The cold wind hit him like a ton of bricks when he burst through the door.

            “Caitlin!” he yelled.  “Don’t do this!”  She was so close to the edge that a gust of wind in the right direction could cause her to fall.  “Don’t listen to the voice in your head!  I hear it too—you’re not alone!”  He was a few feet from her, but he was afraid to go any closer.  She might get spooked and jump off.

            “I have to do this, Cisco,” she said, turning slightly.  “Everyone would be better if I just disappeared.  I’d be better.  And I won’t have this voice in my head anymore,” she said, pulling at her hair.

            “No!  No one will be better off without you!  _I_ won’t be better off.  I can’t lose you, Caitlin!”  The snow whipped around them, but he couldn’t feel the cold.  “I love you!  Please don’t jump!”

            She had turned around enough to face him, and he was inches from her.  “I can’t do this anymore.  I’m sorry,” she whispered, turning back around.  She took a step.  He had to act fast.  He felt like everything was moving in slow motion.  Her foot was in the air, her body was leaning toward the abyss; he launched himself toward her, grabbing her around the middle, and pulling her backwards with him.  He had her.  She was safe.  She was…unconscious.  He kissed her forehead, relieved.

            “Is she…?” Barry asked, suddenly at his side.  He knelt down.

            “She passed out,” Cisco said.

            “We need to get her inside,” Barry said.  His tone conveyed concern, even a little fear, and Cisco’s confidence in Caitlin’s safety melted away.  They carefully moved her inside, one step at a time, moving as quickly as they could.

            He remembered Barry and Iris telling him it would be okay, that _she_ was going to be okay.  Barry had beaten the metahuman, so when Caitlin woke up, she would be better.  After a few hours, Cisco was left alone.  She had stabilized, but she hadn’t woken up.  He had insisted that Barry and Iris leave.  He would call them if anything changed.  It was better that way.  Besides, he wanted to be there when she woke up.  He went back and forth between pacing anxiously and feverishly biting his fingernails.  Without really thinking about it, he folded his hands.  He never prayed much anymore, but he remembered how.  And he prayed now, harder than he thought he ever had.  He would have traded anything for her to wake up and be okay.

            “What do you do,” he whispered, “when you can’t do _anything_ to help?  What would you do, Caitlin?” he asked.  He wiped a few stray tears away, sniffling.  Before long, exhaustion overtook his anxiety, and he fell asleep.

            Hours later in the med bay, when Caitlin finally opened her eyes, he was the first thing she saw.  Cisco had spent the night at her side, slumped over in an uncomfortable office chair.  When he noticed she was awake, he smiled.  “Hey.”

            “Hey,” she breathed.

            “How’re you feeling?”  He rubbed his eyes a little and leaned in towards her.

            “Like I got hit by a truck,” she said, smiling.  “But other than that, I feel fine.”

            Cisco placed his hand on her arm, absently stroking her skin with his thumb.  Without looking her in the eye, he said, “You really scared me back there.  I thought I was gonna lose you.”

            “I’m not going anywhere.”  She looked up at him sleepily, and he wondered if she remembered the night before, when he had said that he loved her.  The words had just come tumbling out of his mouth.  Maybe she had forgotten.  Maybe she hadn’t even heard him.

            “Caitlin, you’re awake!”  Barry hurried to her side, a big grin on his face.  Cisco removed his hand from Caitlin’s arm as nonchalantly as possible.  “Are you feeling better?”

            “Much,” she said with a smile.  “A little tired, though,” she admitted.

            “You should sleep,” Barry said, taking a step away.  He looked behind him, where Iris stood waiting.  “I’ve got somewhere to be, anyway.”  Caitlin glanced at Iris, smiling playfully.  Barry’s cheeks turned the slightest shade of red.  “Cisco will keep an eye on you, right, pal?”  He clapped a hand on Cisco’s shoulder, trying to turn the attention away from himself.  “He did such a good job for the last few hours.  He didn’t leave your side all night.”

            Cisco watched them go, feeling a little annoyed that Barry had drawn attention to how vigilant he had been.  When he turned back, Caitlin had a funny expression on her face.  He couldn’t quite figure out what it was.  She didn’t look happy or unhappy—it was something else.  “You were here with me the whole time,” she said thoughtfully.  “You haven’t left my side.”

            “You’re my best friend, Caitlin,” he said matter-of-factly.  “I’m not just gonna abandon you when it gets hard.”  Before he had time to react, she had her hands on his face, pulling him towards her, her lips glued to his.  The kiss was wet—she was a little sloppy and so was he, and she was crying a little.  “Wow,” he said when they finally broke apart.

            “I’m not the person I was a year ago,” she said quietly, leaning back.  “I’m not even the person I was a month ago.  But I want to try _this_ with you.”

            “Good,” he said, “because I want to try a lot of this with you.”  He leaned in towards her and kissed her again.  They parted and he stared at her in wonder.  “Is this really happening…or am I dreaming?  I mean, if it _is_ a dream, it’s a good one.”  She tugged at his hair playfully, smirking, then tucked a few strands behind his ear.  “You should rest,” he said.  “And in a couple of days, it’ll be New Year’s Eve.  Maybe you wanna…hang out?”

            “Sounds like fun.”  He was about to leave when she said, “Cisco?  Would you mind sitting with me?  Just till I fall asleep.”

            He hopped onto the bed and let her snuggle into him.  He had his arms around her, and she was safe.  He didn’t have to say he loved her and she didn’t have to say she loved him too.  She knew how he felt and he knew how she felt.  Soon he found it difficult to keep his eyes open, and he let his head fall against hers.  And there he fell asleep with Caitlin in his arms, safe from another villain, another ghost.


End file.
